You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

11"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14a I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity."
Jeremiah 29:11-14a

Jeremiah 29:11-12 has always been my favorite verse. Since I can remember ever reading the bible myself, this meant so much to me. God has a plan for me, HE has worked out a life for me and given me skills and abilities to live the best life possible. This was a verse I relied on for so long, even when I wasn't walking with the Lord, I still knew He had a plan for me. I rested in this fact when I went through trials and darkness... and it always helped.
Today and for a couple weeks now I have been going through a personal struggle over a guy. I have a tendency to make it a game and all about competition. For example, I am interested in a guy and I do my thing to get them interested, when they show interest back, I lose interest and am over it. Got it? Make sense right? Right. So I have been known for game playing. As I have previously stated, I lost any "game" I had... Well, apparently God is trying to teach me a lesson (always, I know). I have found a guy that plays games worse than I ever did... and I am interested in him... and I don't know if its real or if its is because he is a man of God, he is ambitious and has similar goals, or if I look at him as a challenge. Regardless, I have been trying and trying to get his attention and its not working as it has in the past. This has been exhausting and I have been praying to lose all control in God and to no longer be consumed by it. I even searched www.biblegateway.com for verses about losing control, letting go and giving it up to God (I didn't find anything that popped out at me...).
Tonight I was talking to my sister about it and I literally broke down crying. I was ashamed of myself for being a baby and letting it get to me that much. I think the thing that convicted me the most was that I said, "I am consumed by this and I don't want it anymore. All I want is to trust in God." That broke me, all I want is to trust in God, but I am not giving him control. Then, I was led to Jeremiah. I cried and read verses 11-12. Probably for the first time, I read through verse 13, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." I haven't been seeking God with all my heart about this situation... at least not letting go of it. I am trying to tell God one thing, but clearly thinking something else. I know He knows what I am thinking! And then I read 14a "I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." And it all made sense. It just clicked, as His Word usually does.
God, I pray that I can completely and wholly turn over my heart to you. I pray that even if I cannot ask this of you with all of my heart, that you will change my heart... as you have done so perfectly through my life. Lord, please let me surrender all control and give you the reigns, as I know you have a plan for my future, plans that will prosper me, beyond my wildest dreams, as long as I live in pursuit of you and in accordance to your Will. Father God, I pray that I stay on your path and that I can remain close to you and put you in the center of my life. I give you my struggle, God I know you will no longer allow them to burden me or be a stumbling block. Thank you for a beautiful life and that my biggest problems are getting myself right with you, Lord. I am so grateful to be your daughter, the daughter of the King of Kings! How incredible that not only do you long for me, but I long for you and I get joy from you and you get joy from me... and you have planned my life and want to give me so much after every sin I have committed against you and every time I have broken your heart. Thank you for your mercy and grace, thank you for making my heart heavy and teaching me continuously. Lord, give me guidance and wisdom to handle any upcoming situation and continue in pursuit of 'Letting go and letting God.' In your son's holy and precious name, Amen.