Also, why can't I write a short post? Ever?
Here it is...
There's a birthday in my office today and I just ate lasagna and ice cream cake.
But I ran this morning with my Dad. In the rain.
Looks like I will have to do a double workout today. Ehg... hope it was worth it.
Since I have started dieting and working out in the past 2 weeks, I have lost 7 lbs! (Not to be graphic, but part of it I think was due to PMSing water weight. Oh well, I'll take what I can get.)
AND... see I can't stop... I am driving to Naples today to sign up at $3700 client. Niiiice.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Dating...
Isn't it funny that I post about relationships and dating yesterday and come across two incidents afterward.
Regarding dating, I just feel so confused about it. Like I feel pressured into wanting to date and get these questions, "So any new boys?", "Are you dating anyone?" constantly. I am trying to figure out if I just try to trick myelf into not wanting to date just to not be dissapointed if I dont. Does that make any sense? (This is my issue with, if I can't do it well, I quit.) I know I am not ready to settle down right now, I don't have time to devote to anyone, and I find something wrong with every guy I am interested in (ask my sister, she yells at me about it constantly). I know I am not perfect, but I do believe I am a 'catch'. Also, one of the biggest traits I want in a guy is for him to have a relationship with Christ and to grow together in Him. Now, if I find a guy I am interested in and he's not a Christian- do I count him out? Not to mention I have so much fear in dating a Christian because of judgement he may have toward me... woah... I am just confusing myself now.
So, I dated this guy Ryan right after a 3 year relationship. He was great- tall, professional, nice, Midwestern, gentlemanly, owned his own home, intelligent... as I describe this I am kind of sickened my life of criteria. I was a high-horse single girl who never gave a guy second chances after my long term relationship. I didn't ever call guys, I didn't respond to text messaging, I let them like me more than I'd ever get attached, blah blah blah, all the games. So when he cancelled on a date with me, I was done. While we were seeing each other, I wrote his insurance, so I would talk to him occasionally. And he was a mortgage broker so he'd refer business once and awhile. We've run into each other here and there... no big deal. Anyway so he calls me Friday and Saturday about insurance questions. Then texts me Sunday, "where are good places to go in Fort Myers", so I rattle off some names... He then calls me and talks to me about how this place I recommended was so much fun and hes going back on Friday and I should meet him. Because I am an over-analyzer, I can't stop thinking about what this means (probably nothing)...but he has been in a lot of contact lately with questions and random things... coincidence? You tell me.
Then, I am at work, and a guy who I have known for awhile and consider a very good friend of mine asks me to go to dinner. He just got out of a long relationship and I am pretty hesistant but really don't know how to say no.
P.S. Neither of these guys are Christians... not necessarily agnostic...
So, should I just go with the flow and see where things end?
Or not waste my time since I am not interested?
This is why men hate women... we think way too much!
Regarding dating, I just feel so confused about it. Like I feel pressured into wanting to date and get these questions, "So any new boys?", "Are you dating anyone?" constantly. I am trying to figure out if I just try to trick myelf into not wanting to date just to not be dissapointed if I dont. Does that make any sense? (This is my issue with, if I can't do it well, I quit.) I know I am not ready to settle down right now, I don't have time to devote to anyone, and I find something wrong with every guy I am interested in (ask my sister, she yells at me about it constantly). I know I am not perfect, but I do believe I am a 'catch'. Also, one of the biggest traits I want in a guy is for him to have a relationship with Christ and to grow together in Him. Now, if I find a guy I am interested in and he's not a Christian- do I count him out? Not to mention I have so much fear in dating a Christian because of judgement he may have toward me... woah... I am just confusing myself now.
So, I dated this guy Ryan right after a 3 year relationship. He was great- tall, professional, nice, Midwestern, gentlemanly, owned his own home, intelligent... as I describe this I am kind of sickened my life of criteria. I was a high-horse single girl who never gave a guy second chances after my long term relationship. I didn't ever call guys, I didn't respond to text messaging, I let them like me more than I'd ever get attached, blah blah blah, all the games. So when he cancelled on a date with me, I was done. While we were seeing each other, I wrote his insurance, so I would talk to him occasionally. And he was a mortgage broker so he'd refer business once and awhile. We've run into each other here and there... no big deal. Anyway so he calls me Friday and Saturday about insurance questions. Then texts me Sunday, "where are good places to go in Fort Myers", so I rattle off some names... He then calls me and talks to me about how this place I recommended was so much fun and hes going back on Friday and I should meet him. Because I am an over-analyzer, I can't stop thinking about what this means (probably nothing)...but he has been in a lot of contact lately with questions and random things... coincidence? You tell me.
Then, I am at work, and a guy who I have known for awhile and consider a very good friend of mine asks me to go to dinner. He just got out of a long relationship and I am pretty hesistant but really don't know how to say no.
P.S. Neither of these guys are Christians... not necessarily agnostic...
So, should I just go with the flow and see where things end?
Or not waste my time since I am not interested?
This is why men hate women... we think way too much!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Longest blog post ever.
So I set out to actually update and I have so many things I want to talk about… it’s a bit overwhelming and actually makes me want to just forget it! Ah… my life motto… its too hard and I may not do it perfectly, so I’ll quit. I just made a list of topics I want to blog about… so I guess I will just update for now.
**P.S. For my sister and dad- I’ll try not to use such big words so you can understand it ;-).
Regarding my last post…
How sad. I found myself so easily irritated with Lawton… and wrote a million words about it in April. Most of you know that Lawton was a victim of violent crime in Denver on May 16th. We had a fundraising golf tournament for him and raised about $15,000- how amazing! He is now almost fully recovered. He is really skinny and has a tube in his head (outside of his skull but under the skin), so he looks a little weird. He showed me pictures of him in the hospital and it almost brought tears to my eyes… it literally made me hug him, appreciating that he is here. He has come back to work a couple days now which is good… It’s sad how badly I need accountability in every aspect of my life. But I am working on becoming more dependent on God and lose the terrible lessons of independency I learned as a child. (I know you thought you were doing the right thing Mom and Dad, but its okay, I forgive you.)
Accurate Insurance Agency
Work seems to be going well. Define well… I am not so sure. I mean, sales are getting there and I can’t expect to just have some grand opening and become a millionaire (I was never very good at the whole patience thing…). The hardest thing for me is marketing, you’d think my loud mouth would be good at networking and talking to people, but I am so intimidated by it. As bad as it is, I hate meeting with clients because then they see how young I am… I really feel judged by it. So, I know I am a good agent, when things need to get done, I get them done. But when it comes time to grow the business and reach out to new potentials, that’s where it’s hard for me.
I am still working at Outback… which I hate. I mean, its good money, but I feel like it tempts me in some terrible ways. I have posted my resume for a different part time job… so I’ll keep updated on that.
On my walk…
My walk with Christ was totally intensified by Lawton’s incident. I was searching for awhile for Him, and could never get back to that connection I used to feel. I was going to church, reading scripture, going to Crew… but I was still missing Him. After I got the news about Lawton, I was literally broken- I mean, we really didn’t know if he would survive… and if he did, the odds of a full recovery were slim, not to mention it would be 6 months before he would come home. All I could do was pray. God broke me down to a place where I could do nothing else but pray. And that’s when I felt it. I got back to Him…
As many things in life, this has been a constant struggle. A guy I was dating once told me that I was a self-sabotager (that hurts). Meaning, if something comes along that I don’t think I deserve, I will sub-consciously ruin it for myself… follow me? I compare this to my relationship with God. I was CONSTANTLY the child that would push my parents to the limit… and I feel like I do that with God too… like, I don’t deserve His forgiveness so I am going to screw up and screw up and wait to see if he comes back. I test His love… how terrible is that?! I guess its good that I am starting to realize it… now I just have to change it. But he always brings me back. ALWAYS. And He always shows me the crazy way he works… as soon as I break down about something and give it to Him; there He is to show me that’s all I have to do. (My stubbornness gets in the way of most my relationships.)
The Home Front
Brooke and I rarely talk. Its purely just a hi/bye in passing. I am not really uncomfortable at my own home, I just don’t enjoy living here anymore. Granted, I love being 1 street away from my sister and her family, and 2 streets away from my Dad (attachment issues), I just don’t enjoy living here, with Brooke or in this house any longer. I feel like I am constantly finding things wrong with it. Not to mention, Sarah moved out with 5 days notice right before July’s rent was due. Oh no problem, except you pay 1/3 of the rent and now we have to make that up.
I’ve toyed with the idea of moving into my Mom’s house since she has 2 extra rooms. But then I woke up and realized I can barely stand her on the phone, let alone living in the same house as her. I guess I should just start searching for another roommate and forget the idea of breaking the lease.
Relationships
Through Crew, I have met some really amazing people. I have met some seriously great people, people that push me to grow and give me great advice! It’s really allowing me to get the best experience out of Summit too, because before I felt like I didn’t necessarily belong and that I was always “Maria’s sister”… but it’s working well now. Lauren (who I work with at Outback) and I have gotten really close. We are both on this ‘get fit’ program… and have been working out 4-6 days a week and eating a lot better. (I’ve lost 5 lbs!) She and I are a lot alike and laugh for hours together… it’s a nice break from my house- that’s for sure. Regarding male relationships… I am just not into it. And it’s frustrating because I do want to be married… but I don’t want to be married for awhile. But it’s still nice to have that attention… or someone to go out with. But I am not interested in dating and I am afraid I will get wrapped up (typical woman) so easily if I start.
Family
My family is doing well, my niece and nephews are ALL growing up so much and it kinda makes me sad. But I look forward to the days that Sean calls me to tell me about stuff before Maria ;-), I am totally the cool aunt. Maria and Kirt are so lucky because I try to do things behind their back like give the kids candy before dinner or soda when Mom says no… but all her kids usually do it and tell Maria. Like Kyla will brag about it and be like, LeLe said its okay! I know Maria can’t wait to be an aunt so she can do all these things to my children…. My dad is amazing as usual… totally there for me through everything. And AJ is growing into such a man… I miss him in his underwear on our porch making pictures in shaving cream on the lanai slider. I can’t wait for him to want to spend time with his family… he’s in that too cool stage and it kinda hurts.
Alright well that’s pretty much everything… I will be updating more often and remember I’ve got some great topics to share soon ;-).
PSS. Oh and I got a really cute haircut that I love. I'll post pics later.
Blessings and Love,
Alicia
**P.S. For my sister and dad- I’ll try not to use such big words so you can understand it ;-).
Regarding my last post…
How sad. I found myself so easily irritated with Lawton… and wrote a million words about it in April. Most of you know that Lawton was a victim of violent crime in Denver on May 16th. We had a fundraising golf tournament for him and raised about $15,000- how amazing! He is now almost fully recovered. He is really skinny and has a tube in his head (outside of his skull but under the skin), so he looks a little weird. He showed me pictures of him in the hospital and it almost brought tears to my eyes… it literally made me hug him, appreciating that he is here. He has come back to work a couple days now which is good… It’s sad how badly I need accountability in every aspect of my life. But I am working on becoming more dependent on God and lose the terrible lessons of independency I learned as a child. (I know you thought you were doing the right thing Mom and Dad, but its okay, I forgive you.)
Accurate Insurance Agency
Work seems to be going well. Define well… I am not so sure. I mean, sales are getting there and I can’t expect to just have some grand opening and become a millionaire (I was never very good at the whole patience thing…). The hardest thing for me is marketing, you’d think my loud mouth would be good at networking and talking to people, but I am so intimidated by it. As bad as it is, I hate meeting with clients because then they see how young I am… I really feel judged by it. So, I know I am a good agent, when things need to get done, I get them done. But when it comes time to grow the business and reach out to new potentials, that’s where it’s hard for me.
I am still working at Outback… which I hate. I mean, its good money, but I feel like it tempts me in some terrible ways. I have posted my resume for a different part time job… so I’ll keep updated on that.
On my walk…
My walk with Christ was totally intensified by Lawton’s incident. I was searching for awhile for Him, and could never get back to that connection I used to feel. I was going to church, reading scripture, going to Crew… but I was still missing Him. After I got the news about Lawton, I was literally broken- I mean, we really didn’t know if he would survive… and if he did, the odds of a full recovery were slim, not to mention it would be 6 months before he would come home. All I could do was pray. God broke me down to a place where I could do nothing else but pray. And that’s when I felt it. I got back to Him…
As many things in life, this has been a constant struggle. A guy I was dating once told me that I was a self-sabotager (that hurts). Meaning, if something comes along that I don’t think I deserve, I will sub-consciously ruin it for myself… follow me? I compare this to my relationship with God. I was CONSTANTLY the child that would push my parents to the limit… and I feel like I do that with God too… like, I don’t deserve His forgiveness so I am going to screw up and screw up and wait to see if he comes back. I test His love… how terrible is that?! I guess its good that I am starting to realize it… now I just have to change it. But he always brings me back. ALWAYS. And He always shows me the crazy way he works… as soon as I break down about something and give it to Him; there He is to show me that’s all I have to do. (My stubbornness gets in the way of most my relationships.)
The Home Front
Brooke and I rarely talk. Its purely just a hi/bye in passing. I am not really uncomfortable at my own home, I just don’t enjoy living here anymore. Granted, I love being 1 street away from my sister and her family, and 2 streets away from my Dad (attachment issues), I just don’t enjoy living here, with Brooke or in this house any longer. I feel like I am constantly finding things wrong with it. Not to mention, Sarah moved out with 5 days notice right before July’s rent was due. Oh no problem, except you pay 1/3 of the rent and now we have to make that up.
I’ve toyed with the idea of moving into my Mom’s house since she has 2 extra rooms. But then I woke up and realized I can barely stand her on the phone, let alone living in the same house as her. I guess I should just start searching for another roommate and forget the idea of breaking the lease.
Relationships
Through Crew, I have met some really amazing people. I have met some seriously great people, people that push me to grow and give me great advice! It’s really allowing me to get the best experience out of Summit too, because before I felt like I didn’t necessarily belong and that I was always “Maria’s sister”… but it’s working well now. Lauren (who I work with at Outback) and I have gotten really close. We are both on this ‘get fit’ program… and have been working out 4-6 days a week and eating a lot better. (I’ve lost 5 lbs!) She and I are a lot alike and laugh for hours together… it’s a nice break from my house- that’s for sure. Regarding male relationships… I am just not into it. And it’s frustrating because I do want to be married… but I don’t want to be married for awhile. But it’s still nice to have that attention… or someone to go out with. But I am not interested in dating and I am afraid I will get wrapped up (typical woman) so easily if I start.
Family
My family is doing well, my niece and nephews are ALL growing up so much and it kinda makes me sad. But I look forward to the days that Sean calls me to tell me about stuff before Maria ;-), I am totally the cool aunt. Maria and Kirt are so lucky because I try to do things behind their back like give the kids candy before dinner or soda when Mom says no… but all her kids usually do it and tell Maria. Like Kyla will brag about it and be like, LeLe said its okay! I know Maria can’t wait to be an aunt so she can do all these things to my children…. My dad is amazing as usual… totally there for me through everything. And AJ is growing into such a man… I miss him in his underwear on our porch making pictures in shaving cream on the lanai slider. I can’t wait for him to want to spend time with his family… he’s in that too cool stage and it kinda hurts.
Alright well that’s pretty much everything… I will be updating more often and remember I’ve got some great topics to share soon ;-).
PSS. Oh and I got a really cute haircut that I love. I'll post pics later.
Blessings and Love,
Alicia
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