Longest blog post ever.

So I set out to actually update and I have so many things I want to talk about… it’s a bit overwhelming and actually makes me want to just forget it! Ah… my life motto… its too hard and I may not do it perfectly, so I’ll quit. I just made a list of topics I want to blog about… so I guess I will just update for now.
**P.S. For my sister and dad- I’ll try not to use such big words so you can understand it ;-).
Regarding my last post…
How sad. I found myself so easily irritated with Lawton… and wrote a million words about it in April. Most of you know that Lawton was a victim of violent crime in Denver on May 16th. We had a fundraising golf tournament for him and raised about $15,000- how amazing! He is now almost fully recovered. He is really skinny and has a tube in his head (outside of his skull but under the skin), so he looks a little weird. He showed me pictures of him in the hospital and it almost brought tears to my eyes… it literally made me hug him, appreciating that he is here. He has come back to work a couple days now which is good… It’s sad how badly I need accountability in every aspect of my life. But I am working on becoming more dependent on God and lose the terrible lessons of independency I learned as a child. (I know you thought you were doing the right thing Mom and Dad, but its okay, I forgive you.)
Accurate Insurance Agency
Work seems to be going well. Define well… I am not so sure. I mean, sales are getting there and I can’t expect to just have some grand opening and become a millionaire (I was never very good at the whole patience thing…). The hardest thing for me is marketing, you’d think my loud mouth would be good at networking and talking to people, but I am so intimidated by it. As bad as it is, I hate meeting with clients because then they see how young I am… I really feel judged by it. So, I know I am a good agent, when things need to get done, I get them done. But when it comes time to grow the business and reach out to new potentials, that’s where it’s hard for me.
I am still working at Outback… which I hate. I mean, its good money, but I feel like it tempts me in some terrible ways. I have posted my resume for a different part time job… so I’ll keep updated on that.
On my walk…
My walk with Christ was totally intensified by Lawton’s incident. I was searching for awhile for Him, and could never get back to that connection I used to feel. I was going to church, reading scripture, going to Crew… but I was still missing Him. After I got the news about Lawton, I was literally broken- I mean, we really didn’t know if he would survive… and if he did, the odds of a full recovery were slim, not to mention it would be 6 months before he would come home. All I could do was pray. God broke me down to a place where I could do nothing else but pray. And that’s when I felt it. I got back to Him…
As many things in life, this has been a constant struggle. A guy I was dating once told me that I was a self-sabotager (that hurts). Meaning, if something comes along that I don’t think I deserve, I will sub-consciously ruin it for myself… follow me? I compare this to my relationship with God. I was CONSTANTLY the child that would push my parents to the limit… and I feel like I do that with God too… like, I don’t deserve His forgiveness so I am going to screw up and screw up and wait to see if he comes back. I test His love… how terrible is that?! I guess its good that I am starting to realize it… now I just have to change it. But he always brings me back. ALWAYS. And He always shows me the crazy way he works… as soon as I break down about something and give it to Him; there He is to show me that’s all I have to do. (My stubbornness gets in the way of most my relationships.)
The Home Front
Brooke and I rarely talk. Its purely just a hi/bye in passing. I am not really uncomfortable at my own home, I just don’t enjoy living here anymore. Granted, I love being 1 street away from my sister and her family, and 2 streets away from my Dad (attachment issues), I just don’t enjoy living here, with Brooke or in this house any longer. I feel like I am constantly finding things wrong with it. Not to mention, Sarah moved out with 5 days notice right before July’s rent was due. Oh no problem, except you pay 1/3 of the rent and now we have to make that up.
I’ve toyed with the idea of moving into my Mom’s house since she has 2 extra rooms. But then I woke up and realized I can barely stand her on the phone, let alone living in the same house as her. I guess I should just start searching for another roommate and forget the idea of breaking the lease.
Relationships
Through Crew, I have met some really amazing people. I have met some seriously great people, people that push me to grow and give me great advice! It’s really allowing me to get the best experience out of Summit too, because before I felt like I didn’t necessarily belong and that I was always “Maria’s sister”… but it’s working well now. Lauren (who I work with at Outback) and I have gotten really close. We are both on this ‘get fit’ program… and have been working out 4-6 days a week and eating a lot better. (I’ve lost 5 lbs!) She and I are a lot alike and laugh for hours together… it’s a nice break from my house- that’s for sure. Regarding male relationships… I am just not into it. And it’s frustrating because I do want to be married… but I don’t want to be married for awhile. But it’s still nice to have that attention… or someone to go out with. But I am not interested in dating and I am afraid I will get wrapped up (typical woman) so easily if I start.

Family
My family is doing well, my niece and nephews are ALL growing up so much and it kinda makes me sad. But I look forward to the days that Sean calls me to tell me about stuff before Maria ;-), I am totally the cool aunt. Maria and Kirt are so lucky because I try to do things behind their back like give the kids candy before dinner or soda when Mom says no… but all her kids usually do it and tell Maria. Like Kyla will brag about it and be like, LeLe said its okay! I know Maria can’t wait to be an aunt so she can do all these things to my children…. My dad is amazing as usual… totally there for me through everything. And AJ is growing into such a man… I miss him in his underwear on our porch making pictures in shaving cream on the lanai slider. I can’t wait for him to want to spend time with his family… he’s in that too cool stage and it kinda hurts.

Alright well that’s pretty much everything… I will be updating more often and remember I’ve got some great topics to share soon ;-).

PSS. Oh and I got a really cute haircut that I love. I'll post pics later.

Blessings and Love,
Alicia