Barack Obama Rally

First of all, I understand this may cause some controversy as the majority of my fan base (ok, my 3 friends that read this) may be sort conservative. I feel like I am having to do this all too often, but I am putting a disclaimer that I am not 100% positive on who I am voting for, I am not discussing my views or opinions, I strictly would like to journal about my day in order to better remember it.

4 a.m. Wake up and I am totally pumped. I woke up easier today at 4 than I usually do at 7.

4:30 a.m. Leave my house and drive to Sarasota in the freezing cold. I believe it was in the 40's.

6 a.m. Arrive to the venue and get in line. It is pitch black dark outside and again we are freezing. My friend Della and I are stoked because it looks like there are only about 200 people in front of us (the Ed Smith Stadium holds about 10,000). In front of us and behind us were groups of young people... and young as in, can't even vote. I think it's pretty cool- that they'd want to see the rally and they don't even get a say in the matter. The kids in front of us were 2 couples, kissing and snuggling. Gag. And they kept smoking cigarettes... which is interesting considering they can't vote...? There were 2 girls behind us that were great. Della and I finally sat down since the line wasn't going to move until 9. We pretty much compared what we felt like to being a victim after the Titanic crashed, freezing and floating on a door from one of the cabins. (Dramatic much?)

7:30 a.m. My friend Leslie and her friend Judy find us and hang out with us in line. (I should have charged them for that.) The line is wrapped around the parking lot of the stadium and onto the street now... thousands of people. At one point a bus of kids drives by and kids are hanging out the window chanting, O-ba-ma, O-ba-ma. This was one of the coolest things to see while waiting outside. There are a ton of vendors walking around selling shirts, buttons and hats. I am tempted and buy a button, but don't allow myself to go overboard. I have to remind myself, I came here just to check it out- this isn't a concert or game for me to just buy merchandise. It's hard not to try to keep up with the Jones'. Every one's in their get-up (I'm just repping Florida and the greatest college on Earth) and its easy to get excited. Maria told me that if I was in the middle it was kind of unfair to go see Obama and not see McCain, because I would get pumped for one and have that in my heart... so I was trying to be totally middle ground. And the sun was coming up. Which was a blessing in its own... beautiful sunrise, which I haven't seen (or I should say looked at) in a very long time. However, it seemed to have gotten colder and a breeze picked up. So we were miserable.

9 a.m. The doors are finally being opened and we are all being shuffled toward the security areas, scanned and searched. We are walking into the stadium (okay, half-running) and we realize we will be on the floor (or field, rather) and get a spot in front of the podium like 4 people from the front. We take turns sitting and standing and reading trashy magazines (which is a huge treat since I gave up Perez Hilton last year...) and whining.

10:20 a.m. Obama's plane flies by the stadium and is headed to the airport. Everyone cheers. I look around and the entire stadium is packed. The stadium seating and what I can see on the field.

11 a.m. Various people come on stage. A pastor prays, a group sings, a girl says the Pledge of Allegiance and then a couple others speak. Nelson comes on and everyone is getting a little pushier and pushier. I now see that there are like 6 people in front of me from the railing now... space is getting tighter and I thank God I am not claustrophobic. Nelson introduces Obama and Obama and several secret service agents (hello, sexyyy, but I checked for rings, mostly married, story of my life) come running out from a tent waayyy behind the podium and music plays (this FMHS football team running from the locker room onto the field. I know horrible imagery). Obama comes to the podium and is waving and smiling and its crazy. Talk about a whirlwind of emotions. i mean, when people were having microphone problems, I was close enough to still hear their voice. Can I emphasize that? I saw Obama's crows feet when he smiled and his eyes got all squinty.

Obama talks about a lot of the issues. At one point he brings up McCain's policies and the crowd starts boo-ing. Obama put his hand up in order to stop or calm the crowd and says, you don't have to boo, you just have to vote. This was probably one of my favorite parts.
Obama addresses the socialistic accusations and says something to the effect of, I shared my toys when I was in kindergarten... I split my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a friend in 6th grade. Now I am a communist? A socialist?
Obama seemed very relaxed, very calm and sure of himself and his respresentations. As much as I was trying to just go there and remain middle ground, he definitely pumped me up for change. He talked about a lot of issues that directly affect me, rather than issues I may support. (Does that make sense?)
We headed out of the stadium around noon. It was such a great experience... something spontaneous that I will look back on and never forget. Now its time for me to figure out where the issues I feel passionately about weigh out in my heart. I know what I believe and what is right... but I have to figure out the presidence of each of those issues...

On a much, much lighter note. We had a soccer game tonight and we played a pretty physical team and we only had one guy sub and one girl sub. Aaaand, albeit exhausted, I still was able to score a goal. Not just a lucky shoot and score, but a beautiful cross from my cocky British mate and I left-footed the ball right into the net. The goalie didn't even see what was coming. (Speaking of cocky...) We won the game 3-0. Great way to end my day. Now its time to snuggle up and rest... I get to meet with the bureau of investigations for the Florida Department of Financial Services (no big, they just hold my licensing and business in their hands) in the morning. I'll be sure to write about that soon.

To my niece and nephews...

Although I am not your mother, I love you all as if you are my own... and in some capacity it scares me half to death to have my own children if I love you all so much! You are each so special and dear to my heart... and doing amazing things right now. I don't ever want to forget how much you all mean to me and how much I mean to you (this could be fading slowly...) right now.

This is a photo of us in Iowa... not the greatest but me with all of you nonetheless. This is a hard thing to accomplish, but 2/5 smiling, and 4/5 looking at the camera- I'm pretty happy about it.

Sean- You're getting older and establishing quite the 'tude. You are such a sweet and kind boy, its hard for me to see how your personality is starting to change into that of a teenager. I am coaching your U-12 soccer team (with Mom) and it is so hard to separate my aunt and coach roles. I want to scoop you up into my arms like a baby and other times I just want to scream my head off at you. Right now you walk and/or ride your bike to middle school. My house is between your house and your school and you stop over about 3 times a week after school. It makes me feel so great that you will leave your buddies (or sometimes bring them with you, which can be kind of awkward) and come see your Aunt LeLe. Sometimes we try to play card games or just talk but since your mother never stops calling me, she usually makes you come home sooner than I would like. I really enjoy this time we get to spend together.
Kevin- Today was your 10th birthday. You have been in *mmhmm* a bit of trouble lately for some selfish decisions so you were unable to accept gifts this year. You didn't have school so I told you I would bring you anything in the WORLD that you wanted for lunch. You chose either Chinese or Pizza. Since Mom and I are trying to eat a little better- we decided Chinese food would be the way to go. When I got over to your house today you were glowing and so excited... (I am trying not to take for granted that I work from home and have the flexibility to do these things for you). When we were plating up the food you asked me, "LeLe, what if I told you I wanted food from Japan?!", I replied that I would have found a Japanese takeout place for ya! You thought that was clever. Your Gammy Susan and Grandpa Fred gave you $50 for your birthday and since you have to donate all your gifts (see selfish decisions above), you were excited to tell me you were going to buy things for the children for Christmas at Grandma's (Michele, my mom) school. I know you have a giving heart... I just hope we can see more of that in the next 10 years of your life!
Sean & Kevin- I drove you home from soccer today with Mom and we turned on 105.5 and jammed out to Akon's 'Dangerous'... Mom and I were dancing really silly and you two laughed at us. When we got in your driveway we decided to turn up the music and have a dance party with my car doors open. Well, you two jetted and were so embarrassed. Someday you'll realize how cool we are. (Not to mention our fabulous dance skills.)
Kyla- Mom and I are coaching your U6 soccer team right now. Somehow or another I have missed both your goals so far in the season. Tonight you were throwing a fit about the way your cleats were tied before the game and I swear I spent 15 minutes tightening and loosening them so they would be just the way you wanted. You are so smart and aware- you know I have never seen you score a goal. So tonight you had a breakaway in your game, dribbled the ball up the field and scored. I was sooo excited for you and even more excited when you turned from scoring and ran right over to me, jumped in my arms and gave me a hug! Its moments like this that make me remember why I can not move more than 10 minutes away from you guys. Last night you asked me to move into your house and stay there forever. I told you to ask Dad and he said he would have to build a separate wing for me... you weren't satisfied because you wanted me in your house. For now, the 1 street between us will have to do. I love reading and playing with you. I got you this Hannah Montana hair set for your birthday that has a pink 'dye' stick and purple glittery gel... and we love to play with this together. Mom and Dad hate it. But we think it is super cool to put gel in our hair and give ourselves matching pink highlights. We are totally rockstars.
Carter- You are my little man. You have a spirit that everyone recognizes is special. I know you have an old soul... you act like you are about 12 years old and just ramble on and on with facial expressions and hand gestures. Right now you are calling me WeeLe. Which is fine because everything you say cracks me up. Apparently you are just like me (not just the funny and charming parts) because you will go up to anyone and just talk and talk and talk. Sometimes it can be embarrassing but we all let you do your thing. Its been pretty amazing watching you get older and your personality develop, I wasn't there as much for Kyla when she was your age so its incredible to see how you young you were when you started recognizing me. You and I can laugh and laugh for such a long time... the other night after your bath I was supposed to me putting your pajamas on but we just kept tickling each other and laughing hysterically. You think its great to tickle me and its so funny when I crack up. Then Mommy got mad at us for fooling around too much so I put Kyla's princess pajamas on you and pranced around showing them off. It cracked us all up!!!! Then you had to go to bed you said "Goodnight WeeLe," gave me a hug and a kiss and told me you loved me. You are such a special, special boy.
Jonah- Oh, my JoJo, where has the time gone. First off, whatever Mom tells you I brought to the hospital when you were born is probably a lie. Just want to clarify. I remember the night Mom asked me to stay in the hospital with you and her while Daddy was at home with the other kids, I was so proud... but a little nervous. I jumped out of bed everytime I heard you make a noise... (again, if Mom tells you any other stories about me sleeping right through your cries, they are not true) I was so excited to be there for you. And now you are walking around, imitating noises and sometimes you hit me and laugh about it. For awhile there I thought you hated me, (probably because you know what I brought to the hospital the day you were born) but you have started recognizing me pretty fast now. I have been trying to spoil you as much as possible and really win you over, so I think its paying off. Someday you will run into my arms yelling 'LeLe', its just a matter of time. And I just cannot wait for that day.
I cannot wait to see what God has in store for each and every one of you. God has blessed you with some amazing parents who are teaching you to love Jesus, love each other and to be the best people you can be. I know its not always fun because they can be pretty strict, but I promise you it will be worth it when you are my age and you will be eternally thankful. I never want to lose sight of your preciousness and how much I care about you guys. I talk to your Mom and wonder at what capacity I will be able to love my own children because I didn't know my heart could love and care for someone(s) so much. I know someday I will be a better mother to my children because of what I have been so lucky enough to experience with all of you. I love you all so much and hope that even when you can't talk to your Mom and Dad and they aren't "cool" anymore, you can talk to me and trust in me. I will always be there for you... nothing will ever stand in the way of that... I promise you.

So Emotional.

This may sound silly but I used to be a CRYBABY. I had friends who would laugh at me (Libby) when I would cry in movie. Any slight bit of sadness and bam! cut to me sobbing. Well, after breaking out of a 3 year relationship (in which I cried a lot, during and after) and getting over it all, I felt like I lost my emotional side. Things no longer brought tears to my eyes... little things I was able to enjoy and experience no longer affected me. Looking back now, I realize that I made myself numb to my emotions because the break up hurt soo bad (not to mention him knocking up a girl and having a baby within a year...but I am forgiving him for that, obviously). I could make it through the Notebook without even a slight eye-water. And I would yearn for it... like I would want to experience those emotions so badly.
I don't know when it happened, apparently gradually, as God usually works in my life, but I got my emotions back! I broke down yesterday in church, I cried while reading "Love You Forever" to Kyla last night (yes, she did make fun of me), and cried while reading my sisters post about her birthday (I'll get to that). [Oh and I cried after soccer Saturday... haha, just kidding... kinda.] I haven't completely written about it but God has changed my heart in so many areas of my life that I am sure my emotions are going along with it. I am totally ready to be exposed and experience every aspect of my walk with Christ! Oh, how I love the fire that follows brokenness!
I pray God, that you will continue to allow me to see your evidence in my life as it is so apparent right now. I don't ever want to lose that. I pray that you continue to change my heart and mold me into the woman you want me to be. I pray that you allow my heart to forgive and be joyous and loving. I pray that I can live out YOUR name and be an example of YOUR love... and thank you for all you are doing in my life!

Saved by grace, Godly Sorrow and the One who paid my debt.

"What does saved by grace mean to you?" is a question I wrote on my bathroom mirror after a devotional I read one day. I wrote it to continue reminding myself that, albeit not deservedly, I am forgiven and saved because Jesus died on the cross for me.
One of my best friends, Amanda (we've been through thick and thin, highs and LOWS and offered a lot to our relationship throughout it all), visited me last night and we spent the evening drink coffee and chatting. It's so great to have a friend that I can have come over while I am in my pajamas, with a messy room and no makeup and not even think about having to entertain her. We just sat on the couch and reveled in our past, laughed about the future and distributed a lot of advice. She is one person that I know will be honest with me and truly listen to me when I speak. So, this morning we were getting ready (me for church and her to visit her family) in my bathroom and she asks me, "What does saved my grace mean to you?" Now, I have seen this on my mirror for months... I understand what it means to me, but have never thought of a sentence necessarily to describe its meaning. I said the first thing that came to me, which was, "It means that I can forgive myself because Jesus has forgiven me." I was pretty proud of my answer but thought, do I really mean that? Or further, do I really feel that? (If you know me at all, that could be a bit humorous.) Interesting thought for me to ponder, but we moved on.
My sister had told me there would be a speaker at church who was an evangelist and author, Jeremy Kingsley. This made me pretty excited but I had really hoped to have led someone to come with me this week. I have been trying for months to get my business partner, Lawton to come and I invited Amanda, she politely declined. (I so badly want the opportunity to lead someone to the Lord!) Jeremy Kingsley, the Evangelist, comes on stage and starts telling us about himself and a story of him on an airplane. He is talking about witnessing, and says something along the lines of, don't pray for a situation to arise, but see the opportunities that are already there. This is something that stuck out to me and I could only think about what Amanda had asked about the question on my mirror.

Jeremy then continues to talk about salvation, Moses and the Israelites, and as I heard it just how easy it is to be saved. So like the Israelites just had to look at this bronzed snake to be saved, I just have to ask God for forgiveness. I need Godly sorrow, not wordly sorrow. Jeremy also said we need to be sorry that our sin hurts Jesus. For some reason or another, this breaks me. Why haven't I thought about this before?! I apologize to people when I hurt them. I am sorry when I hurt other people. But when I sin, it usually hurts me... and I continue to allow it to hurt me... which in turn hurts Jesus. HELLO!?! I am quick to forgive so many others aside from myself. I hold on to things and guilt myself for years and years. Finally this morning, I have realized that I cannot save or teach myself a lesson by feeling guilty about my sin. I have to give it to God, repent and be cleansed. Being broken over hurting Jesus is so powerful... it made me realize how much I really love him- That knowing I hurt or dissapointed him, BROKE MY HEART.
I love when God brings me to a broken place. Although I know it would be exhausting to constantly be broken, sometimes I wish I were. I learn so much in my times of brokenness and I've truly felt the freedom of forgiveness.
And, since God knows that I am stubborn, he drove the bit home a little further when my mother called right after church. (She still goes to a Catholic church as we were raised.) She says to me, "I was thinking about you today in church was the preist was telling us that we have to forgive ourselves in order to be forgive by Christ, and I know how you just hold on to things..."
Got it God. For grace is enough, I can repent to you, you will forgive me and I can FINALLY forgive myself!
Oh praise the One who paid my debt, And raised this life up from the dead.

Narrative Reading

I've been reading the Shopaholic series lately (Confessions of a Shopaholic, Shopaholic takes Manhattan, etc)... and I don't read narrative books all that often, but when I do, I become the author of my own life. I know that maybe sounds weird... but I will say something and then think in my head 'she said exasperatedly'. And the only place I have to put it all down is on my blog. Sooo that gets kind of addicting.
And I like to read other peoples blogs, but I get angry when they don't write every day.
Even when I don't know them. No, especially when I don't know them. Blogging takes stalking to a new level, beyond facebook and myspace where I only stalk the people I know. I really should be working.
I should do a study on how much more effective I could be without facebook, myspace and blogger.
Last night I was talking to Amanda and I was trying to get off the phone to get some things done (it was like 5:30). The conversation went like this,
Me: "Okay, I'm sorry, but I have to get going"
Amanda: "Whyyyy I'm all alone in a house with no one to talk to but a dog"
Me: "I have to, I have to go mow the lawn before soccer practice."
Pause
Amanda: "WHO ARE YOU?!" She exclaims. (hah)
I know, back to reality, one weekend I am fabulously walking down the cobblestone streets of Orlando and by Wednesday I am lawn-mowing, soccer coaching and church-group-attending. Amanda then proceeded to make fun of my life.
Which she is obviously so jealous of. (Obviously.)
Lawton is coaching basketball at Fort Myers High School. He asked me repeatedly if he could do it but I didn't give him an answer until the day before. I mean, the man could get hurt. Or take time out of business for it. He asked me like a little boy askin' his mama. It was entertaining to string him along with the, I'm not so sure this is a good idea, line. He told me that he thought God was calling him to do it.
Which I ignorantly responded with, you dont even know Him.
I know, bad move. But I let him do it in the end... and yesterday while he was at practice I may have messed something up a bit on one of his accounts and we got into a full-blown-yelling match and all I wanted to say was, "Well if you didn't have practice or were available for phone calls, this wouldn't have happened," but I didnt (yay for being mature!) and later when we re-hashed, he apologized and admitted it was all his fault. (Good boy, Lawton, good boy.)
Sometimes I feel like being a woman is so easy.
And then God will shoot me a lil' something as a reality check. "Got it, thanks Dad."
I have to go get uber-prepared for my 3:00. Pretty much the biggest account I will have the opportunity to quote... and my nail polish is chipped from pulling weeds yesterday.