Closure

Again, I am frustrated with my extremely long posts. Not that it matters since the only person who reads this is my sister...

So its been about a year and half since my boyfriend of 3 years, Mike and I broke up. We dated since I was 17 and we ended up living together, getting a dog and then faced a situational break up (something we experienced many times before). I had always expected us to get back together when we both realized we loved each other so much. Well I stopped talking to him for awhile and then we hung out a couple other times and he would do sweet things like when we were dating. Then I went to Chicago for a job interview (he even came to my office in FM-he lived in Bonita- and brought me my favorite coffee, lunch and Butterfinger bar!), I came back, we talked here and there and then poof! he was gone. He stopped returning my calls, and completely ignored me. Later, I come to find out he had gotten his 'girlfriend' at the time, pregnant. Enter devestation. Sigh. Now I find out they're getting married in November. Thats less than 2 years since we broke up- out of a 3 year relationship! Not to mention he has a little baby girl (that he so conveniently named one of MY baby names...to which I will curse him forever). I now know we are not meant to be, and I am so afraid of commitment- most likely because of what he has done to me... but I still think about him... anytime I drive by his work or old house, I keep my eyes peeled for him... anytime I see a damn silver 4-Runner, I check to see if its him. To make matters worse, sometimes I dream about him... and about us getting back together. So since he stopped answering my calls and returning my texts, he has changed his number. I feel like I need closure... and would kind of be interested in talking to him again about his life and plans... to hear him apologize for hurting me... But who knows what would ever be accomplished and if it would be beneficial. Why is closure such a necessity? And is closure really what I am searching for? Or am I just trying to find more reasons why I don't wanna be with him? Why can't I just forget him?