Wikipedia (which totally should have been on my top 10 list) has about a three paragraph definition of OCD... so I just picked and chose which parts are applicable to me.
Obsessive–compulsive disorder (
OCD) is an
anxiety disorder characterized by involuntary
intrusive thoughts and
compulsive behaviors.
And after reading that... add depression to my list of ailments.
Luckily after further examination, I have come to realize that this is more 'me':
Obsessive–Compulsive Personality Disorder (
OCPD) is a
personality disorder which involves an obsession with perfection, rules, and organization. A person with OCPD may feel anxious when they perceive that things are not "right." This can lead to routines and "rules" for ways of doing things, whether for themselves or their families.
I think it is perfectly normal to have things organized. However, the extent of my organization is sometimes crazy.
Amanda came in town yesterday purely to go shopping within my clothes for a weekend in Atlanta. I was excited for this stint of
AAA time. However, as she was rummaging through my closet, trying on my shoes and experimenting with my jewelery... I was left... stressed an anxious. Here are a couple of situations that drove me up the wall...
-Apparently not everyone hangs up their clothes all facing in the same direction (why? I don't know.)... so as I went through my closet today finding backwards shirts... I was increasingly irritated.
-I color code my shoes... and face them toward me, so I see the front of them when standing, facing my closet. I also have 2 closets, one with 'Shoes frequently worn' and the other with 'Shoes only worn for special occasions'. Lets just say my killer red slingbacks do not belong next to my Jessica Simpson everyday black pumps.
-I fold my shirts a certain way, like a retail worker with a board. Do not fold the shirt in half, or down the middle.... do not pass go, do not collect $200.
-I separate my pajama pants and boxers. They do not mix, they are pants and shorts. Its easy.
- They came over after I went to church and ate food, emptied pitchers and left things out...
-(Disregarding the closet issues) She was pouring a glass of water and was putting it in a red wine glass. I stopped her and told her there were clean glasses in the dishwasher. She poured water in a stemless white wine glass instead. Le Sigh.
-Amanda slept on the couch... where I was folding laundry previously. When we woke up I asked her which couch she slept on and she immediately responded, "Big couch, folded clothes transferred to the ottoman and socks are on the floor. I will put it all back where it was."
I am left a little more frustrated with myself rather than with them. I replayed all these events in my head and have come to the conclusion that I am crazy. Like if she doesn't want to drink out of a water glass and a wine glass instead- who cares?! Is it hurting me? It was blatantly obvious to them as well, like Amanda was done drinking out of a coffee cup this morning and asked where she should put and and apologized for leaving a spoon out. I don't want my friends to feel uncomfortable when they are here... and I probably missed out on a better time because I was too busy stressing out over something left in my sink or on my counter top.
All these things kind of remind me of when I would stay with my Grandma Louise. She was so particular about how anything was in her home... to the extent of, when the grandchildren were in town, we had to stay in the basement (which was finished... just not filled with grand pianos or antique furnishings) rather then upstairs with everyone else. I don't want to be like this as a host or eventually as a wife and mother... How do I break my insane routine?
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