Becoming a bit more selfish...

Tonight I went to the conclusion to a special series in Crew about our roles as Men and Women. I'll be honest, I had expectations about tonight. I have listened to many sermons about marriage and what my role should look like. I've spent a lot of time around Godly married couples, I have talked to pastors, pastors' wives, read books, prayed and studied about what it looks like to be a Godly wife. I really, truly desire to be a wife that glorifies God. I know all the 'things' to do and I love to learn about 'how to be'. (I may even go as far as to say that I love rules.) I was excited tonight, ready to hear something new or a verse analyzed further than I had read it. Something to "broaden" my study.
I was kind of skeptical as I was sitting, listening, taking notes- waiting for the epiphany to hit me! To be honest, I didn't seem to hear anything new... or exciting. A lot of the lessons I have read in the Bible- which are extremely important...but, again, I was looking for new! I know that wives are supposed to respect your husbands and serve them by being suitable helpers. I know that husbands are to love their wives and serve her by providing for her. Got it. Marriage works when you keep your identity, rely on God, be selfless...etc, etc, etc.
Then enters my epiphany. Todd says, the world has this idea of selflessness all wrong. (Actually, I am pretty sure he said this jacked up idea, but I am the writer here.) The most important part of being selfless, is being selfish about your TIME with Christ.
Somehow, I have missed this. And I am embarrassed to say that I just didn't think of it.
Every night I set my alarm to wake up early and have quiet time with God in the morning. Sometimes I do it. A lot of times I don't. I will sleep in... or sometimes I even get up and start getting ready and think, oh, I'll just do it later. But then I don't. I get wrapped up in getting to work, or meeting with someone or going somewhere. And then I have this guilt problem where I think I have already messed it up so its easier to just put it off and do it right tomorrow.
I think about keeping up with my friendships, with the ladies in my life that pour into me, the ladies that I pour into, spending time with my family, coaching soccer, serving in ministries, having people at my house, going to church, working and all of these things, that aren't bad things. They are definitely good things. But if I am not growing in my relationship with Christ and pursuing him daily then they are just things- just actions, motions. I will be even more honest here and say that sometimes I do them out of my own selfish ambition and vain conceit- specifically what the Word tells us not to do. I think, oh, I can do this, I will help you do this, I will serve here- people can rely on me- I am the girl that never says no.
That is okay if I do all those things or are involved in all those ministries... but if I am not pursuing Christ everyday- every morning- then I am just wasting my time. I am just trying to make myself look good. In order to be the servant God wants me to be, I must seek Him every morning through prayer, reading His Word and resting in the relationship with my Savior.

Ultimately, I should go into work everyday with the ability to answer the question,

What has God taught me today?

I went tonight to learn more about marriage and how to be a Godly wife. There is no font or italic or bold or underline that can emphasize how big this lesson is for me. The great characteristic I can have as a wife, a mother, a woman in general, is to Love the Lord-my God- with all my heart, with all my mind, and with all my soul. That definitely wasn't the lesson I expected receiving after tonight... but my gracious and mighty God works in ways that are unimaginable and inexplicable. Praise God for always keeping me on my toes!
(I'm of to set my alarm clock and pray that the Lord would have my neighbors jackhammering at 6am.)